dear michael shanks,

i don't know who the hell you are. i have only seen one picture of you. and kelly said that picture wasn't very good. but every time i try to picture you in my head all i see is eric's impression of you. you know, the one where he tries to pout his lips. so could you please date j.lo or something so i can see pictures of you in people magazine? or at least take better pictures for the covers of the stargate dvd's?

thank you,
malkovich